Grades
Got a 70%? Do better next time.
Got an 80%? Do better next time.
Got a 90%? Do better next time.
Got a 100%? Keep that up next time.
Grades are just one confusing cog in the clanky, jumbled mess that is academia. They’re so ingrained in our daily lives that we never really stop to question, “What does that A in that class really mean to me?” After some thought, I’d say that it leads to a good GPA. A good GPA leads to a good grad school or med school or law school or job opportunities, and of course that then leads to a better future.
So grades can’t be bad.
...right?
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to this question, and I’m not even sure that there is one. But there are more manageable chunks that make up the idea of “grades = good?” that are easier to tackle. The one that led me to this conundrum was the question of “Are you ever happy with your grades?” I’m not sure what answer I was expecting to this question, but it certainly wasn't, “Not really.” I’m still shocked at the idea of never being happy with your grades, but it prompted me to think about my own relationship with the numbers.
Growing up, I (like many of us) was that stereotypical, overachieving child who scored all A’s on their report card and thought nothing of it. Academic struggle was foreign to me. I’m realizing now, though, that because of this, academic achievement was foreign to me too. A’s weren’t something to be celebrated, because they were the norm. Brought home a 92? Well, why didn't you get a 95? If I got a 99: where did that one point go? Not even 100’s were satisfying, because it only meant that I’d just set an even higher hurdle for myself, one that was impossible to surpass (enter: the holy grail that is extra credit points).
So what does it mean when excellence becomes the norm?
For me, this mostly means indifference. A good grade in something that I didn't work particularly hard for is hardly a passing thought. Doing worse than I thought warrants a frown and a mental note to work harder next time—doing much worse than I thought constitutes panic and a re-evaluation of what I've been doing in the class. But it’s hard to be excited about learning if the only thing you're thinking about is how to avoid feeling bad. When my roommate last year congratulated me on my final grade in a class that I had started out nearly failing, I had absolutely no idea how to respond. Of course, I was happy. But in the end, isn’t getting a good grade what I'm supposed to do?
And even when you have faith in your ability to do well, it’s easy to fall into the bottomless trench of worrying about how to sustain that. People are constantly concerned about doing better, working harder, obsessing over classes and grades in one way or another: “How does this relate to the exam?” “Will we be tested on this?” “When is the homework due?” How can we even learn if all we do is hold onto the knowledge just long enough to satisfy our own need for perfection?
After thinking about it for a couple of days, I’ve come to the conclusion that the consequences of these thoughts can be addressed in two ways. The first is to look at everything that’s wrong with the system we inhabit. How do you untie the concept of grades from education in general? Should we all just return to the bliss of kindergarten? Do we simply let people turn in their assignments whenever they want and not face any consequences? Is it even possible to develop a system where each person works at their own pace and isn't pushed to join the masses of other students in their year?
The second is to look at yourself. What does that grade really mean to you? Are you pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion because you actually want to learn this material, or because you feel like you should? Do you think that the grade you received was equal to the amount of effort that you put in?
Of course, these questions aren’t the solutions for everyone. Talking about the positives and negatives of education doesn’t stop you from having to deal with it every morning when you wake up. But hopefully, it does help you take a step back from what you’re feeling and take stock of what’s actually going on, and maybe help you let go of a bit of that stress in the process.